Saturday, May 7, 2016

Happy Mother's Day

If you were to ask a mother how her labor was or what is the most painful thing about pregnancy/giving birth, she'll probably say the contractions, the pushing, the last weeks of pregnancy, the after when you're healing. Personally, what I remember the most is looking down at my stomach and seeing it hanging there all sore from how stretched out it had been and crying to my mom about how deformed I looked. But, if you ask a mom if it was worth it she will ALWAYS say yes. Regardless of how young or old we may have our children, being a mother always comes with it's challenges. The more I meet with different moms or hear of different situations mothers have been in with their children, the more I realize there's no such thing as "normal." Although my son's condition is permanent because it is genetic there are many other adversities mothers face. It may be your children suffering from allergies, from learning disabilities, from being too short, too fat, too skinny. The expectations of society put pressure on who are children should be since before they are born and we, as mothers, have to convince our children that they are perfect despite our lack of confidence in ourselves at times. A huge struggle I've noticed in mothers now a days is the lack of having a healthy relationship with our children's fathers.

Unfortunately, we as women have the bigger consequence when it comes to having a child. We not only carry our children for 9 months, but we have the bigger responsibility of raising them for the rest of their lives. I was fortunate to grow up with both my parents. My dad helped my mom with my brother and me while she went back to school. I've always been a daddy's girl, so this led to me having very high expectations for the father of my future children. My dad has always been my best friend. He played with me, fed me, clothed me. He made up bed time stories about how I was little red riding hood, but would turn into the pink power ranger when the bad wolf came around and my cousins were the other power rangers and we would save my grandma from him. My dad stayed up at night to rub my legs when I had growing pains. He was there for me whenever I had crushes on boys who didn't like me and he was there to become friends with boys who tried getting at me (I guess he was a true believer in keep your friends close and your enemies closer). My dad was always around and although him and my mom are now separated, he's very close to my younger sister as well. He's always looking out for her and if he gets off of work an hour early, instead of going to hang out with friends or going home he goes and looks for my sister to spend time with her, even if it's just for an hour. He's far from perfect, but as a dad I couldn't ask for more. I know you're probably wondering why I'm praising my dad on a Mother's Day post and the answer is this: many mothers now a days didn't get to give their children this type of father. Most moms are accused of being gold diggers when they ask for child support from their children's estranged fathers. They're accused of spending that money on themselves or maybe even on their new boyfriends. Single moms have it rough. It's the reality of today because for some reason we, as women, aren't usually so smart when it comes to choosing our partners. When we choose them, we go for looks or for how fun they are or for other superficial reasons. We don't usually think of how they will be as fathers. I've seen many videos bashing single mothers. These videos advise men not to date them for many reasons. One that caught my attention is very selfish, but, in a way, semi-understandable. It is that we as single mothers do not have all the time in the world to give to men. We are not available at all hours because of our children and even if we were to be, this is unattractive because if a women is careless with her children she isn't a very good mom therefore you cannot take her seriously. Another reason that stood out to me, is that the child is a constant reminder that she has been with someone else. Now this one blows my mind a little because there are women who have slept around and aren't mothers, but because we have physical proof that we have been with another man we aren't worth their time. It must be something their ego can't handle. One other reason, out of the many many I've heard, is that if she wasn't able to choose the right guy the first time she's probably not one to take serious. The thing that causes me the most frustration is that WE as the mothers get all the blame. We get the blame for getting knocked up by the wrong guy, we get the blame for when our children aren't acting right, we get the blame for things not working out for the father. We get accused of pretending to be victims when in reality we don't ask for anyone's pity. For the most part, the single moms that I have met are very independent and always have their children as a priority. I have a friend who had her daughter at 16 and is now graduating from University, when people didn't even think she would even get passed high school! In fact, she was finished with high school a semester early! She's an amazing woman and hasn't let anyone or anything stop her from showing her daughter that nothing is impossible. I have another friend, who is a single mom of two beautiful boys. She takes care of both and works a full time job. When they are sick, she stays up with them all night. She has given up her own personal life to give her boys everything they want, not just need. She gets absolutely no help from the fathers, never did. I admire my friends so much for being such amazing mothers and I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to be a part of their beautiful lives. The only logical reason I can come up with is fear. Mothers, such as my friends, are intimidating. They are strong and independent and have done it all alone and it might be a little scary to think you might just end up being a burden to them, but the beauty of them is they know how to love so deeply because they are mothers.

Men: you need to understand that it is better to have a women who WANTS you, not NEEDS you. Women: we need to stop bashing each other just for having children and we need to stop putting such a negative aspect on being a young and/or single mother. We need to thank and appreciate the women around us, especially the mothers. I've been so fortunate to have amazing and understanding friends. While I was pregnant, my friends stuck by me and have been there for me even in the most difficult times. When I found out my son has Down Syndrome they were more than supportive, and their support has never been inconsistent. I wana thank them, even the ones who aren't biological mothers because in a way they have been a sort of mother to my son. When I told them my son was accepted to REGULAR kindergarten (which I will post about in the next blog) they were all so excited and had nothing, but great expectations for my son's future education. I want to thank my mother also on HER day because without her I wouldn't have kept pushing for more when it comes to his education, and I wouldn't see how strong I am at times. My son's other grandmother has also been so good to us and has always been there to care for my son, despite the relationship I my have with her son. Most of all I want to say thank you and Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful angels who watch me from heaven, my grandmas Petra and Carlota because I would not be the woman I am today without them to look up to, and I always try to be a percentage of the type of women they were. I pray that they are proud of what I am doing for my son. Their wisdom would be very helpful during hard times, but I know they're always around. I am not a "single mom." I am not a "special needs mom." I'm lucky enough to be just a mom to a magnificent little boy who has taught me more about myself than I could ever know. It's humbling to know a whole day (or two if your Mexican lol) is dedicated to you. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who have nothing better to do than to give their children everything they need to be great people. Who are dedicated to raising amazing people who will one day save us from ourselves. Enjoy your day to the fullest. <3

1 comment:

  1. Such a great piece to read, Karla. You are such a beautiful and amazing mother keep up with your work. <3